Alzheimer's Disease Sucks

I'm a little angry, so please forgive the selfishness of this post.

My Mom (biologically aunt who raised and adopted me) has Alzheimer's Disease. I'm angry for many reasons, mostly to do with the disease itself. But I'm more than a little angry my family seems to have hidden it from me. Apparently, they had a dementia diagnosis 2 years ago, but I only recently found out.

I'm trying very hard to understand. I live 350 miles away, 2 states over. It's entirely possible they all individually thought someone else was keeping me informed. No one did.

It wasn't until I'd booked her a plane ticket to fly here for a visit that I learned the horrible reality. The flight had a connection in Denver, and my stepfather said it wouldn't work because she would get lost and have a panic attack. I said, "she's not an invalid". The response was an uncomfortable silence on the other end of the telephone line. Even then, he didn't tell me she'd been diagnosed with dementia. He said I needed to talk to my sister.

My sister told me what she knew. She was very apologetic, saying she thought our stepfather would have told me. Okay. Understandable. She and I have always had a rocky relationship based on mutual jealousy. She's mom's biological daughter, and was an only child before mom took in me and my younger sister.

I fully accept that no one knew I hadn't been informed. That doesn't change the fact that my mom, the headstrong woman who raised me, is gone. She has been replaced by a giggly teenager. She's very lovable and kind, as she's always been. But she no longer has that fire in her heart that was at her core.

I finally negotiated to meet my stepfather at a midpoint and pick up mom for a visit. I was in for a shock.

Please don't misunderstand. I absolutely adore my mom, even in this diminished state. I just feel like the woman who raised me is gone, and I never got to say goodbye or tell her how much I love her. I never got to tell her how grateful I am that she took in two homeless children and made us feel like we were her own.

I should be grateful she's still here, even in her reduced capacity. I still love her with all my heart. I'll just have to get over this. It hurts, but life goes on. I need to try to enjoy the time I've got left with her. She's still Mom. No disease can take that away.

I also need to stop being angry at my family for not keeping me informed. I know they wouldn't do that on purpose. They really are good people. We disagree on almost everything, but I know they wouldn't do that. It was a misunderstanding. I need to let it go.

My sister and stepfather are her primary caregivers. I know they're in for a difficult time. I need to be supportive and help them any way possible. I must not let old squabbles get in the way of us coming together to take care of our beloved matriarch.